The Night Before the First Day of the Rest of My Life

I once had someone tell me (not verbatim), "Quentin, why don't you just find a career where you can make a lot of money? If you make enough money, you'll be able to give all kinds of money to all sorts of things, and really be able to help a lot of people out that way. Your impact will be greater if you have money to spend on all these problems rather than doing something for only a small group of people." Again, that isn't word-for-word, but that is the gist of a longer conversation.

Now this happened when I was still in high school, and I still remember very clearly that conversation. It sounds like it makes sense; but in reality, it made my stomach turn then and it still does now. Let me try to explain why.

When Jesus was in the desert, being tempted by the tempter, one of the things that the tempter did was "... showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 'All this I will give you,' he said, 'if you will bow down and worship me.'" (Matthew 4:8-9).

Please understand, I am not saying this person was the tempter, or even close. What I am saying, is that the idea is similar, no? Jesus was given the choice to become rich and powerful, to gain things for himself. Jesus could have used the splendor of the nations, the influence of kingship, to do a lot of good. That thought may have even crossed his mind as the tempter was showing him all of the riches that could be his.

Jesus, however, knew that a better way was to minister among the people, walking miles and miles in the hot and the dirt. The Savior of the world, touching sick people with his bare hands. The One who was entitled to everything gave all of himself. The Son of Man had no place to lay his head. Jesus was homeless.

I think there is something to the idea that Jesus Christ walked among the needy and the poor, touching the sick, eating with sinners. I'm not saying that having money is a bad thing; certainly, it can be used for a lot of good. It's really in how you view it, as a means or an end. And what I AM saying is giving money is not an equal substitute for giving of your time and your self.

Unfortunately, I have already been thinking about what I'm going to buy with my first paycheck: I keep landing on a huge television. I keep thinking about it, and I keep thinking it is a great idea. Why not? I'll be working very hard, I'll be tired and frustrated sometimes, it would be a wonderful, well-deserved thing for me to come home and watch TV. But already, I know the thing has taken a hold of me, making me think that I will be much happier if I have a big screen TV.

I am not going to buy the TV.

Once I've begun to think about how my money is mine to do with what I please, I've already taken away God's glory. All of the splendor and the kingdoms and the power that the tempter showed Jesus? How small those things are to the glory of God, and to the will of God. And doesn't it make sense that our money is not for us? Why should we feel entitled to anything? Our Savior, entitled to everything, made himself a servant. Why do I think that his model is not for me?


We were told on Friday to enjoy our weekend, our last bit of our old life, before we embark on this life-altering course. I believe that is true, partly. I will probably feel differently about a lot of things than I do now; real, close, difficult, painful, awkward, uncomfortable, happy, sad, frustrating, personal encounters with people tend to affect you and shape the way you view some things. But as I have said to some of my friends, "I won't worship the vision". I can't worship the vision. I'm not here because I think that every one of my students has to go to college to be successful. I'm not here because Math gets me particularly jazzed up. I'm not here for the paycheck.

I'm here because my God loves me, and loves you, and loves every person in a very real, very personal way. I'm here because my God sees the value and worth in every one of his children, and loves them, and hurts when they hurt, and why shouldn't I do the same? Why shouldn't I get my hands dirty, why shouldn't I struggle and be frustrated when it comes to loving my students, but show up and love them anyway? Because that is the example my God showed me, and that is the example my God invited me to emulate. I pray every day that He provides me with the wisdom and the patience to work with my students. Yes, I also hope that my students learn some math and learn to love learning while they're my students.

But Math alone doesn't really matter to me.